Being Strong

The past week has been a test of my strength. Many of them have been, actually. People tell me that I’m one of the strongest people they know.

First there was the five-day notice to vacate our home. That turned out to be a mistake on the leasing office’s part. They lost my rent check. The one I had enclosed in a card to explain why it wasn’t big enough.

The picture shows how I also had to go about getting some coins on the sly, for a lost tooth. I do what I need to do. The teller at my credit union was amazing about it and even wrote a note back saying she chose nice shiny ones!

So the rent got paid in two chunks, we still have a place to live and I could breathe for a day or so. Then I got the news that one of my dear friends was hit by a car while riding his bike in New Orleans. Luckily he wasn’t killed. Unfortunately he has no insurance and has a very broken hip that had to be pieced back together. He’s out of the hospital and on the mend for at least the next ten weeks. Which means he can’t work. I started a GoFundMe for him. It’s all I can do from here, although it pains me to not be able to do more.

Yesterday was Vegan Fest here in town. I look forward to this every year and was excited to go. B wasn’t excited to go and when we got there he proceeded to scowl and make the brief time there as unenjoyable as possible. We left and went to run a couple more errands. I was very disappointed with how the whole thing went but tried to hold space for how he was feeling and why. I didn’t want to let it ruin our day. Well, my car took care of the ruining. The brake line failed, the brake pedal went squish to the floor and I got home as safely as I could.

Here’s the part no one knew until now. My being strong sometimes involves taking the time to myself to completely come unraveled. I went into the shower and stood there under the water and sobbed until I felt functional again. I let as much of the weight of the week as I could roll right down the drain. Then I got out, ate a popsicle and then lounged in bed for a good part of the evening, playing Clash Royale and texting friends.

There’s always more to the story, but they are mostly other people’s stories to tell. My heart is going out to a few people I care about right now because of their financial situations, health and relationship statuses. A lot of people I know are having a hard time and they’re getting through it too. That’s all that makes me strong, I guess. That I  do what I can for others when I can and I keep plugging along when life beats on me.